Overwhelming Overload

I am three days away from starting what I hope will be my last year of college. Summer depression has kicked me in the gut hard and I am questioning my ability to get back into the routine of a busy school year. Can I do it? Will I make it out alive? It sounds daunting as of now.

I always have nerves about starting new things/projects. An overwhelming overload of ideas and expectations make their way to my mind before I can figure out the first couple of steps. It feels like it's always been that way for me. I get so caught up in the major projects that I forget to simply take the task step by step.

Planning out words in my head before I say the first couple is something I am guilty of doing. Since I was little I'd plan my answer to the question the teacher was asking before she had the chance to call anyone or me. Not one breath of air would make it to my lungs until I was in the clear. A lot of my life now has a similar plot.

My body becomes tense when I think of the future. I don't see things step by step. I just see the big and fearful milestones I have to reach eventually. This kind of thinking makes it seem impossible to get there. And although worrying won't solve it, in some messed up way, worrying is part of my process. It may not be healthy but that's how I've gotten through it.

A few self reminders//
I am going into a classroom of people who I know are supportive of me.
Not look too far ahead into the syllabus and due dates
Dance it out when I need a small amount of feel better
It's okay to be awkward- it's cute
Life will figure itself out. I am where I need to be at this moment