I am sitting in the corner of my bedroom on the carpet and I'm talking to a friend who seems to be going through a little of what I've been feeling lately. Overwhelmed by time slipping away and not knowing where to go and what to do. Something about being in my twenties makes me want to sit in the corner of my room, provided by my mother, all day long. Sitting here on the carpet seems safe.
Being twenty-something is a huge WTF. One day I woke up (all of a sudden!) an age where I am considered an adult, am suppose to be working, have my shit somewhat together, and learn how to live independently. I don't know how to do any of that and I think that a lot of others don't know how to do that either. The ones that seem to be doing it are faking it, I'm convinced. I want to stay a child all my life but at the same time, I want to see the world, do this thing called growing up, and "live it up," but I'm scared. Life after graduation makes me want to run too. Working for the rest of my life sounds dreadful. What does it even mean to be twenty-something?
This blog post reminds me of some of my very first blog posts. Rambly with somewhat of a point but not directed in any way. I was maybe 14 when I first blogged the weird transition from child to what they call a teen. I was a late bloomer. I started being a true American teen when I was 19. That's when I had my first kiss and started coming up with a bunch of little lies to embrace living life. I was rebelling. A little late but I was doing it. I finally felt like I wasn't missing out on what it was like to grow up.
That is until I became twenty-two and realized that I am nearly the same person I was when I was 19 except I have a few more fun things of OOPS I did that's to add to the list. At 21 I tried getting my permit to only come to realize they charge more than five dollars for the permit card. I still haven't gone back to the DMV to try and get that permit. I'm giving up on being responsible. I live with my mother and sister and for the most part, they make great roommates. Besides the fact I can't invite dates over it's fine. That's what lies are for or saying you are doing something you aren't is a thing. DUH. I still haven't let go of that newly found teenage rebellion.
Now that I think about it a big part of growing up is owning up to what you are doing. Being mature about it. Things like saying, "I'm going on a date." to my mother and answering all her questions about who the next Bumble bachelor is. Yeah right, am I going to be doing that any time soon. Most of these guys aren't worth explaining to my mother. Maybe I should just marry off young to someone who has their shit together so I can be someone taken care of? These are all the things being twenty-two makes me think of. Along with taxes, credit, health care, and cutting down on sugar.
Here's to being confused, overwhelmed, uninspired, and twenty-two. And to my fellow friends who are just as overwhelmed by growing up: someone told me it gets better but I'm not sure if I believe them.
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