When I was 16 I use to do a post series on one of my blogs called random rambles. I'm not sure if I officially named in that but they were posts that had more than one topic in them, no direction, and simply vomited my thoughts out into the universe. I think this is what my mind needs today. To see the thoughts that are floating around in my mind in words on a blog.
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I am negative enough in my own mind that when others spill their negativity or bad attitude out into the world I say I don't need that and move myself to somewhere where they are not. One of the therapists I had, once told me that coping mechanisms are formed during childhood. The more I thought about how my childhood coping mechanisms show up in my daily life the more I realized how fucked I was. When I was a child, I could only handle so much attention to me that when my parents threw me birthday parties with all my friends it wasn't long until I walked myself to a room with no one to cry. I still walk away from situations that I'm done with to cry in hopes of making it evident that I need to leave. Childhood me could have chosen a better way to cope than crying.
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The internet says there is no time to be sad if you are a boss babe but I think that's bullshit. I think that if being sad is what I have to do in order to feel better than I should do it. I'll just have to try not to stay in the sad cycle for too long. Someone, please tell me why others think there's no time for emotions? Those make humans human! That's not what I want. The highs are lows are necessary to maintain emotional wellbeing.
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I have my first advanced physiology test in a week and I am already studied out. This topic makes me feel defeated. In another of my classes, I got put into a group with someone who had admitted to wanted to give me their world and also got rejected by me. I'm so in my head around this person.
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Pathetic is me growing romantic connections with people I haven't met. This person is practically trapped inside my phone and will most likely never be around to actually hang out with me. So that's pretty fucked up. Thank you internet for cursing me with the mindset that people I haven't met in person are just as real as people I have met.
As if I needed someone fictional in my life to daydream about. At least this fits my super introverted and sometimes very busy lifestyle.
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22 years of age and im getting distracted by things like tic toc, instagram, snapchat, and youtube. Could I be anymore not put together?
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